I'll say a couple things. I have a lot of sympathy for parents who have an 'unmanageable child'. They do exist.
For all normal children who you -can- talk to, from the age of the time they will listen to you (2?) to the time they leave the house, I think the best you can do is 'timeouts' or 'restrictions'.
I had one child who is now an adult, but I never had to hit her, or lay a hand on her in any way. She was a good kid. I'm glad I didn't, both because I was worried I would and I knew it would be teaching the child that physical violence is 'a' solution to behavior.
So, if you must swat don't use humiliation - I'm against pants down stuff. If you swat on the behind, only use the hand to 'get attention' or 'snap to', and later, go mend the bridge and say you're sorry and you love them. Again, normal kids.
Don't let things get out of hand, give attention, read to and play with your kids, treat them as 'little adults', ask their opinion, keep your promises. I think the 'ignoring and letting get out of hand' behavior can cause unmanageability, perhaps. But don't let them go wild and refuse to corral them (letting wayward kids run amok at a guest's house is wrong). Take them home. If they act up in a store take them home immediately. Immediacy of 'punishment' to 'bad or unacceptable behavior' is key. Next time say 'we're going in the store but any acting up and we go right home? Any questions?'
As to hitting with things, I was hit with a lot of things, punched twice, pants down, done when in a rage and I was worried I'd pass that on to my kids. (acting out). It took me to age 34 or so to suddenly realize I had 'issues' when I found myself gritting my teeth and smacking the hell out of my cat on the rear. It was a WHOA moment. A cat's a dumb animal. But I am so glad I got a hold on myself with a pet, cured the issue by thoughtful self-talk, and then we had our first child. Whew!
Big scary parents do not realize what it's like to be a little one and see your father menacingly stride down the hall, object in hand, in a fury.
So think about your contribution to the problem (lack of love, compassion or attention, carrying a 'generational issue' (sins of the fathers?)) when a kid acts up. Think of clear solutions. Don't let it get out of hand. Talk, talk and talk some more.
I know I am very, very lucky. I had a good kid, I never had to touch her, she turned out pretty OK. A lot of time nothing you do or don't do has any effect on the outcome. Lots of saintly people got the cr*p beat out of them, lots of maniacs just got 'twisted' by something, nature or nurture.
Good thread, thanks guys.
Never, ever hit your little children if you can help it, if they're normal is my opinion.